To What Purpose

(After my 30-day grief writing course ended, I joined a weekly course to continue the grief writing)

To what purpose, April, do you return again?
Beauty is not enough.
You can no longer quiet me with the redness
Of little leaves opening stickily.
I know what I know.

The smell of the earth is good.
It is apparent that there is no death.
But what does that signify?
-from ‘Spring’ Edna St. Vincent Millay

To what purpose do I continue?
Hope abated, odds unfavorable
Anticipatory grief when facing another loss.
Yet I grit my teeth
For one more chance.
Plodding through the next few months of stillness
For one more chance.
Summer sticky, Autumn closer, Winter beckons.
Spring perhaps will emerge,
Yet I smother hope
Beneath the weight of the seasons.
But what does it signify?
My willingness, perhaps
Not to turn my back on chance.