Theo and I have this brief window of time after he gets off the bus before we leave to pick up Quentin.  He usually has a snack – a piece of fruit or crackers.  Today, I had a horrible, horrible headache, so I called Ger to ask him to pick up food for dinner on the way home.  Theo asked me if I was sick.  He is perceptive, and with my surgery last week and a post-op follow-up visit today (for which I just say “going to the doctor”), I’m not surprised that he asked the question.  I told him no, I’m not sick.  Somehow he maneuvered the conversation over to our lost baby – probably again making the connection between that timeframe, the hospital visit, and the increased doctors visits after.  He said “Did the baby die because of something you ate?”  I cringed and said no, we don’t know what happened.  “I think the baby got a germ” he responded, which is a variation of what he has said in the past.  I said that was probably true, and that when babies are that little and they get sick, that there isn’t much we can do.  “Are you still sad?”  Yes, I’m still sad, but it is ok to be sad.  “Does this happen a lot to babies?”  No, Theo it doesn’t happen very often – there are lots of babies born every day, and they are fine.  At this point I was crying.  Not a lot of hope for relieving my headache now.

My post-op appointment today was uneventful.  The only thing I learned was that the tissue removed was some thickened uterine lining, not leftover placenta as originally thought.  I’ll head in next week for another hysterosonogram to confirm that everything now looks normal.

That appointment next week should be made more interesting by the fact that Ger will be traveling Monday through Thursday for work.  I think in 5 years at his job, he has only needed to travel once before.  Means something in the realm of taking Theo with me to drop Quentin off at day care, and arriving home with enough time before the bus arrives.  Just more things to make my head hurt.

I had a behavior chart printed.  Theo’s “testing limits” behavior is what needs more correction right now, and I thought he might be more receptive to something that mirrored what happens at school, where he has color cubes, and starts out at “green” every day.  He can be downgraded to yellow, orange, or red (which results in a phone call to parents) or upgraded to blue, purple, or pink for great behavior.  I found a chart that does the same, and put clothespins with their names on it.  I explained to both of them what would take them down a color: not listening, not nice words, fighting or not sharing, etc.  I told them that hitting or kicking would result in an immediate downgrade to red – which is a loss of TV/LeapPad for the day or next day.  “Or biting?” Quentin asked.  Yes, we will add biting to the list.  I haven’t thought of upgrade rewards yet – I said that it would be for extra good behaviors, like helping with a chore when not asked, extra sharing, etc.

I’ll borrow a lyric from Adele’s new song for the day.

I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet.