The Parenting Things I Don’t Say Now



On August 13th, I saw a previous social media post I had made in a past year:  “Raising tiny humans is exhausting.”  I thought “What was I thinking?  That doesn’t sound like something I would say.”  Completely something I think in my head, but felt a bit out of character for me.  Then I saw the year that I wrote it and thought “Oh.  That explains it.” Continue reading

Reliving a Year


I have had a pit in my stomach over the past few weeks.  I finally realized that I was reliving a lot of the anxiety I felt in the days leading up to her birth: a gnawing fear that something would happen.  This time, I feared that she would never reach one year old, instead of the fear that she wouldn’t be born healthy.  I envisioned a car accident, the day before her birthday, that would take her life.  I imagined the words that people would ask me, like “How old was your daughter when she died?” and I would have to forever respond “It was the day before her first birthday.”  Never able to say “I have a one year old daughter.” Continue reading

Planning a Party


Photo by Katya Austin on Unsplash

After learning that I was pregnant with Nelle, I created a “secret board” on Pinterest called Baby Girl.  I added photos of nursery designs, parenting ninja moves I wanted to try “this time around,” baby gear I knew I would need – a wide assortment associated with the excitement of planning for a baby.  Included in my collection were ideas for a first birthday party. Continue reading

What I Had Tucked Away


For over 20 years, my family gathered every 4th of July for a croquet tournament.  The exact number of years is unknown, but I have photos going back to my grade school days.  My family lived tucked at the end of a coulee in southwestern Wisconsin, with my aunt and uncle living up the coulee, and another aunt, uncle, and cousins across the street.  My uncle’s side of the family were also nearby so on the 4th, rain or shine, we gathered to play croquet.  The winning team took home a “trophy” – an odd, metallic art sculpture.  And in addition to potluck, my uncle would roast an entire pig in an enormous pit. Continue reading