Change in Plans


For the past few weeks, I have been doing well. There is an enjoyment to the holiday season that I haven’t been able to feel for the past two years. I have a sweet, smiley baby. Two older kids that are so excited for all of the Christmas activities we have planned. Events that we have attended as a family – just enough, not too much. The winter days have been mild. Continue reading

Describe After

Anne Lamott often recounts words that a priest said to her once: “Sometimes Heaven is just a new pair of glasses.” A change in perspective.

How many words and phrases flow easily from the lips of our culture when it comes to death and dying? All of which are fairly presumptuous that those on the receiving end share the beliefs. Words so much more easily given than received. Or comforting only to the giver: a singular perspective. Continue reading


Raising kids is stamped with firsts. First steps, first words, first day of school, first time driving a car, first date.  There were many other firsts in the year following baby loss.  First Christmas without my babies.  First time a close friend had a baby.  First time I attended a support group meeting for parents that have lost babies.  Continue reading

Passing an Object

I have a small tribute to my daughters on a silver tray in our master bedroom.

  • A box containing ultrasound photos, cards, the program from the Walk to Remember we did last year, and other small items.
  • A picture of the tree where their ashes are scattered, drawn by my aunt
  • A Japanese Jizo statue, guardian of unborn, miscarried, and stillborn babies
  • Three tiny, silver photo frames; two have their footprints and one has a picture of Theo and Quentin together.
  • Two candles from a bereaved parents’ workshop I attended
  • Over the tray is hanging a framed print that says “I will always wonder who you would have been.”
  • Another framed print is nearby, a beach scene with two starfish and the names “Nelle + Iris” scrolled in the sky.

Continue reading