I scheduled an extra “nurse appointment” for myself yesterday, to hear the baby’s heartbeat. A little reassurance for me along the way. However, upon arrival, the nurse said to me “You know we might not be able to hear anything today, since you’re only 11 weeks, right?” Ummm.. no. I was not told that when I made the appointment. She must have seen the look of panic on my face because she quickly said “But you’re petite, so don’t worry, we’ll find it.”

I lay on the exam table while she traced my stomach area with the little doppler monitor. Nothing. I had horrible flashbacks to the last time a nurse was listening for a heartbeat with one of those monitors and found nothing – and I found out a few minutes later via ultrasound that Nelle had no heartbeat. I squeezed my eyes tight and started crying. The nurse was persistent though and finally asked me “Do you have a tilted uterus, by chance?” Why yes, actually I do have a tilted uterus. I found this out only a few months ago when I had a hysterosonogram done. She immediately moved the doppler and heard a heartbeat, nice and strong. The entire experience was completely overwhelming, and not reassuring though, so I don’t think I’ll request another such appointment. It will only be the ultrasounds measuring size (starting at 18 weeks) that will likely make me feel better. 18 weeks feels very far away right now.

I made a quick trip to Target this morning for some essentials. The woman in front of me had her checkbook to pay for her items, but had left her wallet at home and had no ID. The Target clerk was not able to process her check without an ID. The woman was carrying a baby, and pleaded, saying they were on their way to a photo shoot for her daughter’s first birthday and she didn’t have time to run home. I finally said “The total is $11? Just ring her items up with mine.” The woman was incredibly grateful and took my phone number, promising she would text me later to get my address and send me money. I told her that it wasn’t necessary, telling her that I had small kids and I know how life goes.

Today would have been the date of my scheduled c-section for Nelle. I look at my Target experience as a small bright spot to what otherwise was a difficult day.

I saw a photo recently of a bathroom that had floor-to-ceiling books next to the tub. And I thought “how awesome is THAT?” Our jacuzzi bathtub has a colossal waste of space behind it, and I’m running out of space on my bookshelf in the master bedroom. So one of my Target purchases was a small shelf that I added to the bathroom. I was going for all books with white covers, thinking it would be a really cool effect, but I did not have enough. Still looks kind of great though, even if I’m the only person who will enjoy it.