It was a bit surreal, to walk into that building and know that there would be no discussion of medications, or risk factors, or how many weeks along I was.
My six-week postpartum appointment was this morning. It felt like a definitive "end" to such a long journey. No more pregnancy-related appointments, ever. I spent time picking out what to wear, as if I wanted to convey "See? Even five years older, tired, and dealing with a baby after loss, I can still bounce back!"... Continue Reading →
I have had so many bad dreams. The one that reoccurred the most was a doctor telling me that something was wrong, or that I had lost a baby, followed by me screaming "No. No. NO!" I would wake from fitful sleep, often drenched in sweat or tangled in my blankets. Some of the worst... Continue Reading →
Use the belief others have in you until you are strong enough to carry that same belief in yourself. Last night, I said to Ger "I'm doing ok." Then I woke up shortly before midnight, drenched in sweat, and realized "I'm really not ok." It is now five days. And by the end of the... Continue Reading →
Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire. -Jorge Luis Borges I remember so distinctly those first few hours in my hospital room after Quentin was... Continue Reading →