current events - Musings Out Loud

Musings Out Loud

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current events

A collection of 25 posts

abstract watercolor illustration of a twisted and dying tree

Hiding From the News

I live this way because I don't have a choice.

Illustration of tulips scattered on a wooden floor

Unsure of What Comes Next

That's the thing about trauma. It makes you afraid and constantly think of worst-case scenarios.

watercolor of a young woman staring out of the window on the passenger side of a car with tears rolling down her cheeks

Singing Amazing Grace

I felt like I couldn't breathe under the enormity of grief.

watercolor of abstract geometric shapes

The Irrational and Rational

It's hard to tell my brain to turn off those irrational fears because they seem rational.

watercolor an american flag in a field with a sunrise in the background

abortion rights

Lost Freedom

Since I recognized the slump I’m in, I’m doing the best I can to pull myself forward.

watercolor a lonely monarch butterfly on a small flower

abortion rights

Feeling Scattered

We’re not supposed to live in a constant state of turmoil, fear, and devastation.

abstract watercolor illustration of a silhouette of mountains with lightning

Anguished Screams

I had to just pretend that I wasn’t completely broken inside.

watercolor sunflowers in a white vase

Mother's Day Is Complicated

I don’t need a special day of acknowledgment. Nor do I want it, as a bereaved mother

watercolor small monarch butterfly on a windowsill

We Will Be Ok

My children turn to me for reassurance and I try to provide it.

watercolor ripple in a small pond

A Quiet Day

Sometimes, when devastating things are happening in the world, I'll shut down.

watercolor a scrawny tree without any leaves in the middle of a forest with bright blue sky and clouds in the background

Something I Can't Explain

I have to explain the injustices of the world.

watercolor a woman's back looking away with faces looking on in colorful clouds

bereavement leave

Being a Whole Human

We are the ones who have to live with our losses every day.

abstract watercolor illustration of a woman's face surrounded by abstract colorful clouds

A Day With Lots of Feelings

It wasn't until later that day that I realized how much stress I had been holding.

abstract watercolor illustration of the US Capitol building on fire

Watching an Insurrection Unfold

Watching in real-time, I had no idea how it would end.

an abstract watercolor illustration of an empty, dry field under a stormy sky

2020 Has Made Me Numb

I cannot feel anymore, not in the way that I normally do.

church of Notre Dame on fire

History on Fire

Hearing that Notre Dame Cathedral was on fire yesterday was shocking.

A Parent's Loving Decision

We often say in my grief support group that as parents, we make decisions every day on behalf of our children. Starting with some of the earliest decisions around breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding, to consequences for the stubborn toddler, to how much screen time to allow, to how to pay for

A dead tree next to a one-room schoolhouse, watercolor

Responding to the Reoccurring Tragedy

The most widespread and impactful change will come from those charged to lead us.

The News

Last night, I just wanted to hold my baby. She had gone to sleep around 8:00. It was 10:00 and I wanted to wrap my arms around her and snuggle. The day was hard. I woke up to news of the mass shooting in Las Vegas. It left

Cultural Connection

Cultural Connection

Healthcare has been at the forefront of the news lately. Health insurance was never even something I thought much about, until recently. We had it. The coverage was decent. It paid for stuff. Yet now it is something I am constantly concerned about. For a long time, we have had

Been Sitting Much Too Long

Been Sitting Much Too Long

Stand. You’ve been sitting much too long. -Sly and the Family Stone For Evelyn. On a national stage, it was said last night: “I have met with women who have, toward the end of their pregnancy, got the worst news one can get. That their health is in jeopardy

Brings Me To Tears

Brings Me To Tears

Inevitably, I re-read my own writing. Social media provides me with “On This Day” a year ago recap of my posts. I was fourteen weeks pregnant, out of the first trimester, complaining in my own writing about still being nauseous and having dizzy spells. A few days ago, I was

Stats

I saw on a website today, a stat that said something like “loss after x number of weeks of pregnancy is really rare.” I thought “How can it be rare??” I have talked to so many women in the past two months who have had a stillborn birth like I

abstract watercolor illustration of a solitary candle in a jar on a wooden table

Tears

I am intimately aware of my own grief.