birthdays And Now Two Always an unwelcome "what-if" and a reminder that I can grieve and cherish at the same time.
milestones Getting Bigger Each time, I clearly said the word "water" accompanied by the sign. Eventually, she raised her hand to her chin in a faint copy of what I had been trying to teach her.
birthdays Those Dates, All Over Again The day. January 14th. My wedding anniversary. This year, thirteen – lucky thirteen. While searching this morning for a quote to commemorate the day, I tripped across the following: A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and wife who take turns being
milestones Fifth Child Thoughts and Moments After starting physical therapy a few weeks ago, Autumn switched from afternoon appointments to morning appointments. Arriving for an afternoon appointment after a long day at day care meant that she was often exhausted, crabby. Morning seemed to be a much better fit for her rhythm. But it meant that
birthdays Reliving a Year I have had a pit in my stomach over the past few weeks. I finally realized that I was reliving a lot of the anxiety I felt in the days leading up to her birth: a gnawing fear that something would happen. This time, I feared that she would never
birthdays Planning a Party After learning that I was pregnant with Nelle, I created a “secret board” on Pinterest called Baby Girl. I added photos of nursery designs, parenting ninja moves I wanted to try “this time around,” baby gear I knew I would need – a wide assortment associated with the excitement of planning
milestones The Moments I Missed The other morning, I was playing with Autumn on the floor. She had a toy where you push a button, or turn a knob, and an animal pops up. It was a new toy, and she was trying to work through how to make each of the animals appear. I
birthdays Her Birthday I had it all planned out. I knew that I would be meeting some people for the first time today, in a professional context, and when asked “How many children do you have?” I would answer honestly, the way that I always answer in my head. “I have five children.
milestones Birthday Thoughts Another year, another birthday. This is the first year where I have really felt my age: now 34. My 20s brought a lot of changes in our lives and then early 30s was just adding a number to the year, but I have become increasingly aware of my age. I
milestones Surrender to Fears I was holding my baby last night with quite a bit of wonder at how light she is. Carrying her around during the day, I can tell that she weighs more than when she was born, but last night her 9 lbs, 1 oz felt like nothing. She weighs less
milestones What I Heard for a Few Minutes Last night, I listened for Baby’s heartbeat with my monitor. And it was my worst fear: I couldn’t find it quickly. I dragged the monitor around, slowly. I thought I caught it for a fleeting moment, but that wasn’t good enough for me. I re-lathered myself up
milestones Birthday Weekend I will readily admit that this weekend has been rough for me, emotionally. Maybe since when we originally made our plans for the weekend, I was expecting to be 6 months pregnant and wondered at the time if I’d have the energy. Maybe because Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance