I dread the conversational “How many children do you have?” asked so eagerly, so innocently. Nor did I realize how often people feel compelled to ask it. Woven into the fabric of small talk, along with the weather and where are you from and what do you do? Continue reading
“We must try not to sink beneath our anguish… but battle on.” -Albus Dumbedore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
In almost every SHARE meeting, it comes up: the innocence of pregnancy has been stolen from us. There are no “normal” appointments. There are no “easy” conversations about how we feel. I open the Baby Center app installed on my phone to do kick counts and I see the cute drawings of plump babies, or the smiling, leisurely photos of women. I have contempt for their complacency and cringe when I read about pregnancy complaints. I can barely allow myself to have any complaints of my own, without feeling guilty. The final few weeks should be excitement; instead, still fear, anxiety, and pragmatic planning. Continue reading
I am known for having the “right words.” Can soothe angry customers, diffuse heated conversations, bolster efforts. I often think about how to craft my words to elicit the right response. But for all the diplomacy, I have never been more at a loss for words than when I became pregnant again and needed to start revealing that information. Continue reading
So many of my appointments are solo visits. I waver back and forth between wanting Ger there, and thinking “I should be able to do this alone. If this were a normal pregnancy, I would be able to go alone.” In the back of my mind, I still have an inkling of blame, where I feel like this is my cross to bear: my body that failed, therefore I need to take on all of the burden of the pregnancy, and not make it harder for him.
We can be in constant damage control mode. Or we can get in a healthier lane and run.
I was walking to Quentin’s classroom at day care to pick him up. His former teacher from last year poked her head out of her classroom and stopped me, saying “I just have to ask, are you pregnant?” Continue reading