Four years. 1,461 days. My baby girl, my first daughter, my Nelle Claudia Dej was born. She was given a name we had already picked out. When we brought home her ashes, it was to a nursery that we had already started to furnish. Continue reading
travel
The Day Leading Up to The Day
Photo by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash
I am counting the days, one by one, until September 4th. Nelle’s birthday. It will have been four years since she was stillborn.
That year, it was Labor Day weekend. So not only do I have the actual day, but everything surrounding Labor Day reminds me of that weekend. Continue reading
A Vacation in the Books
I have had in my mind for years that we would take family vacations. Growing up, my family always took road trip or big vacations in the summer. I wanted to do the same with my kids, plotting out how we could visit all corners of the country, with focus on their ages at the time and what I thought we could handle. Continue reading
Needing Distractions for the Day
On this day in 2015, I was at O’Hare airport waiting for a flight to Kansas City. The day had produced the first snow of the year, and not in a small amount. It caused delay after delay, rescheduled flight, getting onto the plane and waiting for more than an hour on the tarmac, only to be told that the flight was cancelled and needing to de-plane. I had been at the airport for about 15 hours at that point, only to go to baggage claim and discover that my suitcase had been lost. Continue reading
Anticipating the Day
Among the bereaved parents I know, we often say that the anticipation can be worse than the actual event. Thinking about an upcoming baby shower or family gathering can bring on feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, or dread. We mull over the scenes in our head, playing out confrontations, tears, or awkward silences. Often, we can get so worked up and then the moment passes without the level of emotions that were expected. And it gets easier over time to expect certain responses and manage them. Continue reading
